In the living room, the morning papers made the most out of nothing at all.

I don't like to say I forgot, or that I've been more okay with the fact that Krystine died two years ago. I like to think that I've just accepted it, but I still miss her every day.  The truth is I probably have forgotten and gotten used to the idea.  However, lately, I can't help but see her everywhere. 

I remember the first few months after she died were the worst months of my life. I couldn't think, eat or concentrate.  Every thought revolved around her, about what I could have done to prevent her leaving, or what I could have said to her to let her know how much she meant to me.

So, here goes. The story that I have never let myself repeat out loud or put into words. The story I never let my fingers type out to form words. The story of the last time I ever talked to Krystine. 

The date was August 2, 2006. It was my cousin Melissa's birthday party and Krystine had forgotten to buy her a present.  Saying Krystine was forgetful is an understatement.  Perhaps every important thing that needed to be remembered remained forgotten with her. So, she made plans with me to ditch the party for a while and go to Target and buy the present.  I was looking forward to spending some alone time with her. Krystine was one of the only people I felt I could talk to during my phase of teenage angst. She just seemed to have an answer to every problem and never judged me for thoughts or questions I had about myself.  

However, Krystine was also extremely flaky. This went hand-in-hand with being forgetful. She'd forget she'd have plans and end up ditching you in the end. So she ended up leaving for Target without me. Since being alone to talk with Krystine was a rarity, I was extremely mad at her for doing this. When she got back, I treated her with the utmost hostility. However, she kept smiling and cracking jokes until she got me to laugh.  

The thing is, I think this moment best sums up how Krystine was.  No matter how horribly you treat her, she always did something to make you laugh.  Back then, I had never met someone as genuine as her.  Someone who'd do you a favor with no alterior motives, no extrinsic motivation, but just for the sole excuse of doing you a favor. 

And I thought I've been okay these past few years without her. Then, I remember her, and I fall apart all over again.