I am not the first one to travel the path of a poor college student, desperately trying to make ends meet until I get that next paycheck. However, more than ever, it is particularly hard to pay for books, tuition and luxury items. Everyone is in the same boat, and it's not news that our economy is suffering.

But economic failure is not unfamiliar territory for America. Eras like the Great Depression and Carter's time in office are solid proof of the economy's tendency to go up and down, and incompetent economic budgeting. In order to complement these hard times, there have also been eras of economic wealth. One example of this is Clinton's years in office.

Being a child during Clinton's presidency, the thought has never crossed my mind that it would be fairly difficult to obtain a job. I have always thought that I would be promised a job by the end of my college career. However, that thought has faded over time, and here I am, wondering if a job will be in store for me by the time I end college.

Even in China, students who attend an academically enriching school are not promised jobs. I believe the statistic was that 27% who graduated were unable to find a job in 2008. What China and the US have in common now are that there are a growing number of students joining the army for job security and a hefty paycheck.

I am one of the first to agree that the army's benefits are tempting. The new G.I. bill which expands education benefits, along with a guaranteed paycheck makes the army a smart choice. However, the army is simply not cut out for many people, and many still hold on to that dream job that they have been dreaming of since they were children.

What this blog entry is mainly about is the fear of the scarcity of jobs. What I believe Obama should definitely focus on during his presidency is creating more jobs for people, a promise that he said he would fulfill. Will college really pay off for me in the end? Was it actually a smart investment? The fact is that the future is unclear and vague. I still remain optimistic for the future, and confident that Obama was the right choice for America.

Soundtrack of my life take two?

So, a couple years ago, I compiled a soundtrack to my life. I thought it would be interesting to compare the two side-by-side and see how much I have really changed.

2006

Your Life: The Soundtrack

Opening credits: "I'm Ready" - Jack's Mannequin
Waking up: "Seven Days a Week" - The Sounds
Average day: "Parade of Punk Rock T-Shirts" - Martime
First date: "Honestly" - Cartel
Falling in love: "MFEO" - Jack's Mannequin
Love scene: "MakeDamnSure" - Taking Back Sunday
Fight scene: "Cute Without the E" - Taking Back Sunday
Breaking up: "Summer in the City" - Regina Spektor
Getting back together: "Combat Baby" - Metric
Secret love: "The Tension and the Terror" - Straylight Run
Life's okay: "Like a Lady" - The Sounds
Mental breakdown: "Am I Wrong?" - Brand New
Driving: "Look What You've Done" - Jet
Learning a lesson: "Vienna" - Billy Joel
Deep thought: "How to Save a Life" - the Fray
Flashback: "Soco Amaretto Lime" - Brand New
Partying: "The Call Out" - Hit the Lights
Happy dance: "Mint Car" - the Cure
Regreting: "Brooklyn" - Taking Back Sunday
Long night alone: "Wait" - Something Corporate
Death scene: "What Sarah Said" - Death Cab for Cutie
Closing credits: "Your Own Disaster" - Taking Back Sunday

2009
Your Life: The Soundtrack
Opening credits: "Play Your Part pt. 1" - Girl Talk
Waking up: "I Gotchar" - Lupe Fiasco
Average day: "Fool Like Me" - Lisa Loeb
First date: "Staying in Love" - Raphael Saadiq
Falling in love: "Someone Like You" - Van Morrison
Love scene: "Come On, Get Higher" - Matt Nathanson
Fight scene: "So What" - Pink
Breaking up: "Cigarettes and Coffee" - Otis Redding
Getting back together: "Love is a Beautiful Thing" - Al Green
Secret love: "Meet Me by the Water" - Rachael Yamagata
Life's okay: "Lost and Found" - Atmosphere
Mental breakdown: "The World Spins Madly On" - The Weepies
Driving: "You Can't Always Get What You Want" - The Rolling Stones
Learning a lesson: "Vienna" - Billy Joel
Deep thought: "Casimir Pulaski Day" - Sufjan Stevens
Flashback: "Astral Weeks" - Van Morrison
Partying: "You Give Love a Bad Name" - Bon Jovi
Happy dance: "Touch the Sky" - Kanye West
Regreting: "Ballerina" - Leona Naess
Long night alone: "Anthems for a Seventeen Year-Old Girl" - Broken Social Scene
Death scene: "Because" - Elliott Smith
Closing credits: "Chicago" - Sufjan Stevens

In the living room, the morning papers made the most out of nothing at all.

I don't like to say I forgot, or that I've been more okay with the fact that Krystine died two years ago. I like to think that I've just accepted it, but I still miss her every day.  The truth is I probably have forgotten and gotten used to the idea.  However, lately, I can't help but see her everywhere. 

I remember the first few months after she died were the worst months of my life. I couldn't think, eat or concentrate.  Every thought revolved around her, about what I could have done to prevent her leaving, or what I could have said to her to let her know how much she meant to me.

So, here goes. The story that I have never let myself repeat out loud or put into words. The story I never let my fingers type out to form words. The story of the last time I ever talked to Krystine. 

The date was August 2, 2006. It was my cousin Melissa's birthday party and Krystine had forgotten to buy her a present.  Saying Krystine was forgetful is an understatement.  Perhaps every important thing that needed to be remembered remained forgotten with her. So, she made plans with me to ditch the party for a while and go to Target and buy the present.  I was looking forward to spending some alone time with her. Krystine was one of the only people I felt I could talk to during my phase of teenage angst. She just seemed to have an answer to every problem and never judged me for thoughts or questions I had about myself.  

However, Krystine was also extremely flaky. This went hand-in-hand with being forgetful. She'd forget she'd have plans and end up ditching you in the end. So she ended up leaving for Target without me. Since being alone to talk with Krystine was a rarity, I was extremely mad at her for doing this. When she got back, I treated her with the utmost hostility. However, she kept smiling and cracking jokes until she got me to laugh.  

The thing is, I think this moment best sums up how Krystine was.  No matter how horribly you treat her, she always did something to make you laugh.  Back then, I had never met someone as genuine as her.  Someone who'd do you a favor with no alterior motives, no extrinsic motivation, but just for the sole excuse of doing you a favor. 

And I thought I've been okay these past few years without her. Then, I remember her, and I fall apart all over again. 

Revisiting the past

I visited my high school for the first time since I graduated. It was strange being there, almost surreal. The whole time I couldn't believe that I spent four years of my life there.  It's funny, I felt like I was physically too big for the place. 

Keep in mind, I was never someone who hated high school. I didn't particularly love it, either, but many fond and horrible memories occured in that building. I do believe that high school brought me one step closer to finding my own true personality and was key to my self-development.  

For so long, I always identified myself as a high school student. Visiting for the first time brought me to a rude awakening: I'm growing up.  For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to grow up.  However, now that my innocence and youth is quickly slipping away, I can't help but grip the life out of it and hang on. 

I feel my life has beena  fast-paced dream.  Perhaps Descartes' dream theory was correct. Maybe we're all just living in our own dreams, and this isn't real. But what I really think, what I truly believe is that we just want to believe that, so we can do everything in our power to keep from thinking that being a grown up is real.  

But it's happening, and we can't stop it. The only thing we can do is accept it and look forward to the future. 

So, I realize I may be late...

But this is one of the best albums I've heard in a long time. I actually just discovered them via my cousin Nikki and it's one of the most refreshing hip hop albums I've heard in a while.  It's a bit reminiscent of Lupe, with some N.E.R.D. thrown in there.  

Anyway, I'm home now. It's a little weird. I'm realizing more and more that East Lansing is definitely my home now, and that my friendships from the past are not as strong as I predicted. It makes me a little sad, but I guess the only thing I can do is move forward, and wish for the best. 

I also saw this movie tonight.

It was moving and inspirational, probably the best movie of the year.  It reminded me that anything is possible and one person can truly make a difference.  The ending even made me cry, a feat that is not so easily accomplished. 

First post?

I don't really know what to say in this, but I'd like to start posting entries with substance. 

I'm counting down the days until this semester ends.

2 days.